THE TRUTH ABOUT SEX When you have no one you love or care for, you
easily convince yourself sex doesn’t really matter. It’s no big deal,
you say to anyone who raises an eyebrow, or asks. I am strong you
persuade yourself on those nights you go out with friends to catch that
romantic comedy with those beautiful love scenes. Hmmmmm. I tell you it
is not easy. Abstinence is not what nature planned for a healthy human
body. (Nature hates vacuum you remember) You hit puberty and the
hormones get raging in your system. You read mills and boon, thrills and
boon and sex is this earth shattering experience. You read Joan Collins
and Harold Robbins and the raunchy aspects are described in titillating
details. The blood pools in certain parts of your body and you can’t
wait to meet your own love and have your own share of sex experience
with him. Why abstinence then? You are a teenager and your body is so
ready, more than ready. But you are filled with romantic fantasies of
there being just one person with whom it would be special. You also
remember all the Sunday school lessons you attended and if you’re from
some denominations, where the Catechist will make you vow before your
confirmation. The years creep by and you become matured enough to
realise that you are not emotionally ready no matter how much your body
screams for it. You go back to your Bible roots and tap some strength
from being born again. Abstinence. Sometimes you ask yourself, what does
it really mean? If you make out with your transient male/female
friends, does that count? Afterall you did get some pleasure and maybe
an orgasm or two from them. You recreate these episodes in your mind
those days during your cycle when you are so easily aroused. And if
you’re like me you put yourself in the dock those nights you wake up
horny from the erotic dreams stalking your sub consciousness. There is
after all that guy that wanted to be your **** buddy. The years continue
to pass and you still abstain. Some of your secondary school friends
get married, get pregnant and you wonder at their new found confidence.
Your university mates are sexually active and talk about all manner of
stuff in your presence. Sometimes you own up to your inexperience and if
the company is hostile, you brazen it out with knowledge gleaned from
books. You cringe when they mention their numerous abortions, are
disgusted when they crawl back to abusive BFs just for the sex and your
decision is strengthened. But does that strengthen your body? I doubt
so. A case of the spirit being willing and the flesh weak. You help
yourself out sometimes and other times you go out with that guy that has
been hanging around and allow him cop a feel. Most of the time though
you stiffen your upper lip and go to sleep. Your guilty conscience makes
you backslide. Furthermore, trying to get busy with church shows up the
corrupt underbelly and you lose faith. The choirmaster and the solo
singer are having sex so why do you bother? The pastor and his wife wear
only Armani and Prada while Brother Puis and his family starve so why
do you bother? You are almost an atheist but you know that’s not
possible. You hold on to your decision but it’s no more for God. Some of
your friends you shared the pact with had either fallen by the wayside
or gotten married. You’re approaching your big 3-0 and your closest
friend tells you it’s only fear holding her back. It is no more strength
of will. It is no more saving it for that one special guy. The other
says it’s just that after rejecting all the previous eligible suitors,
why give it up to some of the yeye people coming around now. What to do?
Your crown has become a millstone around your neck. Then that friend
gives in to one of those not so eligible guys, and he marries her after a
bit. She’s lucky isn’t she? He’s a bachelor anyway, unlike the majority
married men that trail after you like flies to raw meat. There is one
left and so you console yourself. Then out of the blues, she calls you. I
have done it. Done what you ask? Had sex and girl it is so overrated,
she blurts. You have heard that before but hearing it from her makes
your heart plummet. Is that it? All that you’ve been looking forward to?
But that’s not the end. Did I say it was not easy? If anyone tells you
abstinence is easy, they’re fibbing big time. You are now dating a guy
you love more than all the others. He loves you so much and also
understands your stance, he is ready to wait. But your friend is on your
neck. Ahhh it gets better. The more you have sex, the better it
becomes. She is having the time of her life and she wants you to join
the league. Bobo is making subtle moves and your body is feeling him. A
lot What to do? It is not easy I tell you. However, at the end of the
end, it’s a decision you have to make yourself. I sincerely beg to be
understood and not to be misunderstood. As a realist I go along with
this postulation because there are things to and not to pretend about.
Most people who preach abstinence do worst things even in a wasteful
manner. Even to married couple if marriage is a mystery then sex is a
bigger mystery, in that, Both human beings and our system are
unpredictable. Let's learn from Animals after all King Solomon referred
us to Ants for wisdom. In which School do which Teacher, teach animals
how to, where to and when to make babies. They simply respond to
stimuli. They don't pretend about anything. Their male and female go all
out in search of what they want according to their feeling at their
heat period. It is far better to my mind that, rather than store nude
pix in your busy memory from work place to your house while preaching
abstinence, only to lock the door and start deceiving yourself. Better
tell the him/her about your feeling may be he/she also feels the same
way so you can make a clean end to this day light dream of yours. So
Abstinence in secret is better than abstinence in public. But if
abstinence is not your calling then make a choice for yourself and you
will soon get tired of it or better still limit yourself with
consecrations that are evident in your life because God see more in the
secret as humans see more in the open and form (Sometimes wrong)
opinion.
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